nine_realms | Welcome To Asgard

"That I put him through months of grief. That I illusioned my death, then watched him mourn. There is nothing for me to return to," the other Loki insisted.

Why did he have to explain such grueling information to his alternate? Why didn't his alternate understand? He had understood Svartalfheim!

Loki frowned at him - at himself. "Then tell him otherwise. Stop being so negative."

Betrayed, Loki stood from his chair, headed for the door. He did not wish to leave this place, yet. The other Loki was the first person in months that had not met him with words of harshness or hate. The only reprieve he'd had from such ostracizing, was under Odin's guise.

This place was an oasis of sorts, and Loki did not yet want to leave it. But he had to get away from his alternate, because the other version of Loki did not understand him. It was a recoiling of sorts. They could not understand each other, and this issue was far too close to home. Loki had bared his soul, and his alternate was judging him critically.

"You are not me. You are not me, and I will not stay here!"

"You're right. I am not you. I would not run away so quickly. I would not give up so easily as you are right now," Loki stood as well, watching his twin. His voice was stern but not without some compassion lurking at the edges.

"Perhaps I have not lived these extra months that you speak of. I thought I was gone, dead in Svartalfheim. To find that I was not and... all that you have told me..."

His voice softens. "If you do not want to let Thor go, then don't. He may be angry. He may be accusing but he is still... He is still our brother. It may take time but he would forgive... And if he does not, then... well.... You are no worse off than all this pretending you are currently doing. You have to try."

Distracted by his alternate's response, Loki regarded him worriedly for several moments. This was pity and disgust; it had to be. Didn't it? Yet instead his alt's tone was soft, and his gaze unflinching.

Loki almost resented, that his alternate was being so supportive, here. He could have run, otherwise. Yet instead now, it would be a show of weakness.

It would be a terribly difficult task for the hardiest of people, to never speak or act as themselves, for months. To only speak and act as someone who had detested them. Yet added to that, when Loki was acting as himself in the alternate timelines, again he was reviled by all he had spoken to. At one time, he had thought himself looked over and unloved by most. Yet now, to feel the truth of what that honestly was... yes, Loki had weaknesses from it. He needed love. Craved it, now.

His alternate's idea of talking to Thor, suddenly seemed like a good one. Whereas for these past months, Loki had given that up... was it worth fighting for? A life where his brother loved him, but he was on the run from both Thanos and Odin? That... honestly might be doable, as long as he didn't get caught. He might not have to die.

The idea of his own death, was one that he had continually relied upon, for the past several years -- ever since his time as Regent. Everything had seemed so hopeless, and Loki had come to expect everyone's distrust and resentment. So this idea of a future, was something he could only tentatively grasp. What about Thanos? Odin? And so many Realms hated him now; he would have to illusion himself to move better amongst them, but that would not be difficult...

It was possible. If he could avoid Thanos and Odin, it was possible to have a life of his own. "...Thank you."

"You are correct; you have not lived these months, and I warn you now -- you will not wish to. To be Odin, at every moment, or to be reviled by all, and attacked in all alternate timelines." Loki drew a deep breath, and stared his alternate down. "I am not weak."

"I know you are not. I know that I am not," Loki went on, taking steps forward. "And at least some part of us is alike, even if we are not the same. I know what it is like to be attacked by many, to be disrespected and put down and made fun of by my so-called friends. I know all of that...," there was tension in his voice. He could understand the pain. He'd lived through most of it and could imagine what pretending to be Odin for months could possibly do to his mind. It was no wonder his alternate was so jumpy; so sensitive. He hated to see it but he couldn't deny it or not understand why.

"Please...," he reached a hand out to him now. "Stay. For a time. It should be safe here and you can plan your triumphant return."

It made him edgy, when his alternate approached. Loki shifted uncomfortably in response, but refused to step back.

The extended hand left Loki in a quandary. The words of understanding already had him dropping his guard, but it felt too quick, to do so. He knew sweetened words, when he heard them. His alternate was trying to calm him. Yet maybe that was because he cared?

It had been so long, since he'd felt an affectionate touch. Before his alternate's grasping of his wrist, earlier, the last time had been Thor cradling him, almost three months prior.

Thus, that extended hand was tempting to take. It was friendship and understanding and the care that Loki so desperately needed, right now. But it was also the hand of another Liesmith. Another Trickster, and one different enough from himself, that Loki could not predict his every response. There was danger, in revealing his heart to an unknown alternate, no matter how gentle he appeared to be.

So which would it be? Caution, or a basic need? Loki regarded that hand for long moments, then quietly reached to clasp his alternate's forearm. He closed his eyes, resigning himself to the risk.

Yes, Loki had purposefully given him soothing words but he didn't have an ulterior motive for them. While he didn't like to admit his vulnerabilities, he felt the pang of sympathy for himself and what good would it do to make them both upset?

He smiled when Loki accepted his arm and grasped it back warmly.

"Good, good... Do you want a drink? Maybe we can sit and relax and...," he paused. "I know it is difficult and I do not expect you to trust me. I would not trust myself if I were you - which in a way I am - but I do mean you no ill will. I mean, what would be the point? I would rather have two of us working together, than at odds. We have enough enemies."

Loki watched their clasped hands for a long moment, then noticed the delay in his response. He released his hold.

Quiet drinks together, sounded like a good idea, but Loki was wary of poisoning. Not of any lethal poison, or even of any with physical affects, at all. Truth potions were more what he feared, here. That or a possible affecting of his will, but that was less likely. Did his alternate wish to take his place? Probably not.

"I thank you, for your offer. I... would not mind such an evening." He took a step back. Not because he wanted to, but because it made him seem better composed.

Loki had had similar thoughts - his only caution being wary of this Loki wanting to replace him here.

The smile returned, pleasant and usually reserved for when he wanted to butter certain people up with honeyed words but at times it could be genuine.

He waved toward the chairs. "So, please, be seated and I will fetch some refreshments."

Loki made his way to a nearby cabinet, opening it and setting up two small glasses then pouring something of a dark blue liquid in each. He didn't usually go for the flagons of ale that Thor or other Asgardians did. His tastes were a little more unusual and selective. This in particular was a rare drink that he kept for special occasions. It was sweet, if a little tart in its aftertaste. It wasn't poison, despite the unusual colour.

Watching his alternate pour their drinks, Loki waited for him to return with them.

Gracefully, he sat down once more. It was good, to have a conversation as himself, where he was not attacked or looked down upon. It had been too long.

Many things could be that particular color blue, Loki considered. But he would trust, here. At worst, he might be forced to tell the truth about something. That his alternate had a glass of this as well, meant little. The other Loki could have hidden a spell or substance, with an illusion. Loki looked away, not liking to think on the idea further. He was reeling, and this was social time he did not wish to interrupt.

Loki came back over with the perfectly safe drinks. He didn't mean his alternate any harm or had anything up his sleeve here.

He held out one of the glasses - but Loki was free to take the other instead. He wouldn't put up a fight over whichever one he picked.

Watching his alternate's eyes, Loki took the offered glass. He had already thanked his alternate before, so this time, he simply inclined his head in thanks.

Should he drink first? It would be a show of either trust or defeat. No, for now he would wait casually.

Edited 2014-11-28 09:23 (UTC)

Loki sat down and did take a drink from his own glass as he eyed the other Loki.

He waited as well. Pushing himself wasn't usually a good idea. It would only make him less likely to speak.

Drinking from his own glass, Loki considered what to speak of. Or if he even wanted to speak, at all. For now, perhaps it was enough to simply relax. To let his guard down, because it was growing tiresome otherwise. His alternate had made repeated efforts to make him feel welcome here, and Loki was again beginning to tentatively trust him.

A month ago, such trust would not have been broken so quickly. The idea of alternates had seemed like an interesting one, until he had met them. Then their differences usually caused such a rejection of him, that Loki had become defensive at the very idea of spending time with an alternate. Yet here was the first one to care for him, and they seemed to have so much in common. It was that common ground that had drawn Loki to him, trusting him more than all other alternates before him. They understood each other. Or at least it had seemed so, until there were differences and a seeming rejection, again.

Even still, it was clear to Loki that his alternate was trying very hard, here. So that tiny rejection now felt less terrible and more sympathetic.

"...You are kind."

Of course rejection was something all too familiar to Loki; to both of them. With the other being so similar to him, he wasn't about to reject what was essentially himself.

The words startled him though and he blinked before giving him a questioning look.

"Do you think so?"

He almost admitted to his past experiences with alternates, but then chose to say instead, "Yes."

Loki chuckles, shakes his head, takes another sip of his drink and glances sidelong at his twin.

"Well, if I cannot be kind to myself... what sort of monster would I be?"

He had to laugh it off. Kind wasn't a word thrown his way very often.

He winced at the word choice, Odin's tales and Thor's misunderstandings coming to mind. Maybe that was the point, though. To repaint this as narcissism rather than sympathy. Yet it certainly seemed as the latter, to Loki.

After a short pause, he carefully chose to admit, "Our alternates."

"Alternates?" Loki paused warily at that. "What exactly do you mean? Besides you and I...."

"Other versions of myself... have not been so welcoming." The Trickster's smile was a brittle thing.

"Well, we are not the most trusting or trustworthy," he admits.

"No, but..." How could he explain this?

"They thought little of me. Some of them wished me dead." This was, of course, a disquieting thought, as iterations of himself that hated him, implied that he had failed, by even his own standards.

Loki did not specify the reason why his alts felt such homicidal intentions towards him. Right now, he was still uncertain how this alt might react to such an admission.

"That is just foolish," he waved it away dismissively. "That is to wish oneself dead."

If his alternate had gotten as far as Svartalfheim, hadn't he wished himself dead, at least as he hung off the Bifrost? Even if he didn't want to die now, as Loki did. Had. It was odd, to reconsider what had somehow become second-nature to him. When had that happened? Had hope dwindled so far?

He bit his lip. Yes, perhaps it was foolishness. At one point in his life, Loki would have thought it so. Now... well, now he had to talk to Thor. Loki would then know what course to take.

"It is." From Loki's perspective, this was another lie. Yet he would not allow his alternate to know how far he had fallen.

"And yet you treat me as your brother." It was a station that Loki was all-too-happy to reclaim. Never mind the fact that he'd once detested it. He did not, now.

Welcome To Asgard

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